My RP Character~Ryan Hall

[adamrskate]

Name: Ryan Hall
Age: 17
God Parent: Hades
Mortal Family: All my family died.
Years in Camp: 5 years at camp.
Brief History: When i turned 12 monsters that i thought were only in nightmares, or stories were coming alive. My 7th grade gym teacher tried to eat me on the second day of school. When i got away i met a Stayr named Kevin. He brought me to Camp Half Blood and ive been there ever since.
Physical Appearance: I am 6'. I have jet black hair that falls over my eye every once and a while. Im usually wearing black.  Ive been told i am very attractive. I love wearing my black leather jacket, and you will almost always see me in jeans. If not then shorts in the summer.
Personality: I am one of the nicest person you will ever meet. I will never abandon you or hurt you intentionally. I might have a bit of a temper when people insult me or my friends but usually i can take care of it.
Fatal Flaw: My fatal flaw is that i fall in love WAY to easy. If your nice and decent looking i will most likely develop feelings for you.  If my enemy's found out about this they could easily use it to their advantage to destroy my spirit, or even me.
Talents: I love playing guitar. Sports i do a lot and im good. And Im pretty smart.
Weapons: I have a black bladed sword named Erebus.(Darkness) My sword also morphs into a staff with blades on each end named Adeodatus.(Give By The Gods)

[GeneralArin]

First of all, we write things in third person here, so change your app to follow suit.

Second of all: I will not allow you to be a fifth year camper. Namely because that would instantly put your character at the experienced, older camper stage that several characters had earned over the progression of the site. 
You're also too old for a Big-Three kid, if we even have room for yet another Hades kid. We have a quota, and it may be filled already.

Your bio is very minimalistic, and tells nothing of the long years you apparently spent at camp.

Even if your family is dead, they were alive at some point, so their names and the circumstances around their death are required. 

...'attractive' is not normally something people put in their appearances, but okay.


All your personality is 'nice' and 'has temper'. Put some more depth into it, you're describing a person, not a doll. Try adding some descriptions on how your character reacts to problems, disagreements, and how they usually interact socially. 

Your fatal flaw isn't really related to your personality at all. And I would rephrase it to a more general 'forms attachments easily' or 'sentimental'. 


You have not been given a black-bladed sword to you by the gods. That's being shot down. 


And to restate this: I would consider a different parent because we are probably full on our quota for Hades kids.

[Cerulaen]

Just to put this out there--your character is extremely boring. When people read books, they don't want to read about people that are nice to everyone and everything's sunshine and rainbows until they get mad. Try adding some more complexity to him. You don't have to be the typical 'gloom and doom' Hades kid (if you're even allowed to keep him Hades), but if his entire family is dead, that should affect him somehow. Does it make him more sympathetic to other peoples' situations? Does he get angry when people mention his family? Does he get moody? Please, give him more of a personality than cardboard.

If you want to keep the whole 'is too sentimental/love-dovey' thing going, I might suggest a parent like Aphrodite, Eros, or one of the other Erotes. Especially since we don't have a lot of either, and they're more available.

After you've fixed all of these things (including Jake's), we'll see how it looks.

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