Homethe impossible
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the impossible
Alex Granit Sun May 05, 2013 9:28 pm
hi guys 
i don't know why, but i'v decided to write another story that wasn't for school, i definetly haven't finished it yet, it's still a WIP
so, here it is. My second story on this forum enjoy and say what i could do better, thanks
i don't know why, but i'v decided to write another story that wasn't for school, i definetly haven't finished it yet, it's still a WIP so, here it is. My second story on this forum enjoy and say what i could do better, thanks
- Spoiler:
- The First Night : James
14 year old James Mcmullen Sat down at the table with his other family. His Mom, Dad, and his 6 year old brother simon. They were outside on their back porch. It was a Warm summer evening, the fireflies were out already , flying around blinking on and off on and off repeatedly. The table was set already with napkins, forks, knives, and water glasses. There was a platter with steak. James’s dad cut the steak, put it on a plate, and passed it to his mom, and then Simon, and then finally him. “ This is really good” Simon said after swallowing down a peace.
James looked around the backyard, everything seemed to be right, the swingset we still, the pitch back was still there. but he kept having this nagging feeling like something very bad was about to happen. He cut a piece of his steak and looked around the yard again. “ James, is there something wrong?
” James’s mom asked looking at him. Suddenly all the attention on the table was brought to him looking out onto the yard. He didn’t care though “ Yeah i’m fine” James said distantly. But he then noticed that the fireflies had stopped blinking on and off. And everything was suddenly too quiet. Bushes rustled near the pitch back although there was no wind.he looked closer into the bushes and saw dark, shadowy figures that looked like lizards but they stood on their hind legs, were much bigger, and their tales were much longer then an average lizard. then the figures turned around and peered out of the bush. Their eyes glowed a bright white in the dark. James pointed towards the bushes “ Actually, that’s what’s wrong”
The figures stepped out of the bushes so that you could see their yellow feathers that covered their body, glowing a bright gold in the evening light, there sickle shaped claws, there viciously sharp teeth. James knew exactly what they were, Deinonychus, although how this could even be possible he didn’t know. They were dinosaurs which became extinct 65.5 million years ago. but that didn’t matter now, they were here, alive, and definitely carnivorous. “ Daddy what are those things?” simon asked
“Deinonychuses” james’s dad answered , and he knew that because he was a paleontologist until he had kids and changed to a worker in Gentech (Genetics engineering) so he could work closer to their house in case anything goes wrong while he’s at work. “ A dinosaur?” Simon asked quizzically
“But those are dead!!” He said not believing what he was seeing at all.
“ Yeah, but we should probably run anyways” James said as the Deinonychuses stalked closer and closer to the family.
“ I agree” Jason said, James’s dad,
The deinonychuses ran, lightning fast, towards them, their feathers rippling in the wind they were causing. Simon and james ran one way and jason and James’s mom ran the other way. James grabbed Simons arm and dragged him along towards the front yard, the deinonychuses were chasing them, now picking up their pace. James soon had to pick Simon up on his shoulders so that he didn’t have to drag along any extra weight behind him. James could hear the deinonychuses breathing behind him. James quickly scrambled up a tree and sat on the branch. Simon was staring down at the deinonychuses who were trying to scramble up the tree but branches kept getting in the way. Eventually they gave up and walked back to the back yard. “ why did they just give up on trying to climb up the tree?” Simon asked, you could hear the fear in his voice.
“they must have been guarding something, probably their nest” James replied equally as scared.
“James?” Simon asked
“Yeah?” James asked Simon
“Where’s mom and dad?” Simon asked
“I don’t know” James replied.
Those are just theories: James
James climbed down from the tree with simon behind him, his pudgy body scraping against almost every branch he went near. “ What if they come back?” simon asked Looking around the yard too see if anything moves in the bushes. “ They shouldn’t if they were just guarding a nest” James replied
“Just be careful” He admonished
Alex Granit- Posts : 844
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Re: the impossible
©razy Dude Sun May 05, 2013 11:18 pm
I'm just going to review this sorry if it offends you.
Not really much to say some grammatical issues in some spots, seems like your run of the mill story so far, and I'd say stray away from using those big dinosaur names because the common reader wouldn't know what it is and would have to look it up. Go with something regular like a raptor, t-Rex or like a pterodactyl.
Not really much to say some grammatical issues in some spots, seems like your run of the mill story so far, and I'd say stray away from using those big dinosaur names because the common reader wouldn't know what it is and would have to look it up. Go with something regular like a raptor, t-Rex or like a pterodactyl.
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Re: the impossible
Alex Granit Mon May 06, 2013 7:02 am
Yeah....the raptors in Jurassic park are deinonychuses... (dane-on-o-kiss) and i only said that because those who have seen the movie think that's what they are but it's not 
... maybe i'll just do the pronouncing thing with the irregular ones or somthing lol.
... maybe i'll just do the pronouncing thing with the irregular ones or somthing lol.
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Re: the impossible
©razy Dude Mon May 06, 2013 8:30 am
Actually I'm not sure not that i think aboit it. Maybe it would teach your readers some new things? And maybe they'll enjoy it? Or sometimes that will scare them away. It'd be a tough one for me but whatevs.
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Re: the impossible
Syl Mon May 06, 2013 10:07 am
Mmmm... But I like where this story's heading. Although I'm not completely clear about the plot.
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Re: the impossible
Alex Granit Mon May 06, 2013 2:34 pm
That's because i'v just made 1 chapter..... and i guess it could teach the readers something, i just got bored and decided to write a story where someone dies, and what better way then by being torn apart by a dinosaur ? lol
Alex Granit- Posts : 844
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Re: the impossible
Alex Granit Tue May 07, 2013 8:05 pm
I wrote more...but i'm going to save you the extreme pain of reading my story and not post it
Alex Granit- Posts : 844
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Alex Granit- Posts : 844
Drachmae : 2272
Join date : 2013-02-02
Age : 23
Location : In my room, staring at my computer all day.
Character sheet
Olympian Parent: Ares
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Syl- Posts : 961
Drachmae : 2583
Join date : 2013-01-18
Age : 21
Location : Probably on the other side of Planet Earth.
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Alex Granit- Posts : 844
Drachmae : 2272
Join date : 2013-02-02
Age : 23
Location : In my room, staring at my computer all day.
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